


My Faith

by frogfarm



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Genre: Canon Jewish Character, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Discussion of Abortion, F/F, Female Jewish Character, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Personal Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5407115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogfarm/pseuds/frogfarm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What the label says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Post-"Chosen". Not wholly canon for Faith the Vampire Slayer.

My Faith...

...sucks at math.

...most of the time, doesn't care.

...when she does, cares a fuck of a lot.

...will forever hold Buffy in her heart.

...no matter how much she might occasionally wish she didn't.

...and even though she knows (almost) all of B's faults and flaws.

...drinks red pop and eats Twinkies, Fluffernutters, beef jerky, and pigs in blankets (hot dogs in fridge croissants with American cheese slices). But her #1 comfort food is bean and bacon soup.

...likes to tease Willow about being un-kosher by proxy. (Willow is kosher. Faith is not.)

...loves to whisper *filthy* things in Willow's ear, right when the latter is coming her brains out so she's too distracted to go "Ew!". Which of course only makes the orgasms even more mind-blowing.

...got a second tattoo, for Willow, when the witch explained why she wasn't getting one of her own.

...will never show it to anyone else.

...or tell anyone what it is.

...not even me.

...will forever regret not apologizing to Tara.

...will forever regret not giving Wes that hug.

...if pressed, will admit that Angel is the only man she's ever loved.

...would follow him to Hell if she had to.

...went there, and did that.

...didn't hesitate for one second to shoot herself with that needleful of Orpheus.

...even though at the time it made her flash on an image of her mom, dead in a puddle of vomit.

...never actually saw her mom dead. But her imagination's always been too good.

...knows she really, really ought to practice more with weapons that aren't swords or the Scythe.

...would give back the Scythe in a heartbeat, if it were a genuine emergency.

...and if B asked nicely.

...despite all the negative associations, really misses that knife.

...is mostly over the whole PTSD thing.

...but will never, ever again let a man hold her down during sex.

...has a very hard time letting a woman do it either.

...can't help being more sad than mad (and frustrated) at the irony of Willow being more uncomfortable doing it to her.

...fucking loves it every time she manages to get Will to really let loose.

...despite feeling guilty about how she sometimes goads Will into it.

...tried taking Tai Chi classes so she could be all meditaty like Angel, but the instructor rubbed her the wrong way. B suggested Chao-Ahn, who managed a whole two sessions with Faith before they realized it just wasn't working out. Finally she remembered Dana, who jumped at the chance to start putting her vast knowledge to good practical use. No matter how awkward it gets sometimes -- and the awkward abounds, whenever Dana happens to channel Buffy -- it's good for them both.

...knows she could still lose it.

...has no problem with that.

...because if things ever get that bad, she'll have bigger things to worry about.

...unofficially adopted Dana, with Willow, though she and Will never married.

...to the surprise of most who know her, has a real way with kids.

...which is partly why she's the Scooby with the greatest tolerance for Andrew.

...which patience, of course, is not infinite.

...still can't resent the Scoobies (too much) for constantly pawning Andrew off on her.

...will never think of herself as a Scooby.

...is still uncomfortable when the Scoobies refer to her as one.

...thinks that awkwardness might fade someday.

...if she makes it as far as forty.

...would love to make it that far, if only to be around for B's inevitable midlife meltdown.

...without even trying, has a posse (of Potentials-turned-Slayers).

...despite joking and lording it over Buffy, is uncomfortable with the hero worship. It's almost a breath of fresh air when a new girl tells her to get fucked.

...had to go Slaying with Buffy *and* get drunk before telling B the details of her Orpheus mindwalk with Angel.

...would still never have opened up about it if they hadn't gotten the news from LA about that final battle in the alley.

...can't really drive a motorcycle.

...is defensive about it.

...never even got her learner's permit. But she *can* hotwire an '87 Olds.

...is cool with Xander, has been ever since the night he saved Kennedy and lost his eye. Seriously, this isn't more defensive, isolationist Slayer crap. They had their moment; nothing more to discuss, and they both know it.

...thinks it would be nice if everyone else knew it too and quit acting like there's still all this tension between them.

...can't help feeling a tiny flicker of concern every time she's on the verge of falling asleep.

...as a kid, dug a hole and buried treasure. Granted, it was the vacant lot down the block and a flimsy, rusting lockbox filled with feathers found in the yard and rocks lifted from the museum gift shop; some bits of cheap jewelry, a few old coins her grandpa gave her, and a pearl handle jackknife she actually didn't steal, paid for with her own pocket change. Every time she thinks about it, Faith knows she'll never go back to see if the box is still there. But the memory of those treasures inside remains, as clear as day.

...apart from Dawn, is Dana's best friend.

...respects Giles enough to sip when he breaks out the single malt.

...can drink B under the table.

...hopes she never has to make the decision to sacrifice herself to save Buffy.

...hates knowing that a tiny part of her reason for sticking to women (Willow) is how she would feel killing a kid instead of keeping it. Because that's the way it would go down, no question.

...despite knowing it would never have worked, despite her don't-look-back attitude, occasionally lets herself fantasize about hooking up with Willow a lot sooner. Because no matter how bitter or sweet, all of the scenarios she can envision are pretty damn hot.

...would totally do that.

**


End file.
